Super Phonesitter

(Adversetisement)

Tired of being stuck on the phone for hours on end, with someone who doesn’t know how to shut up or hang up? It’s time to call on the all-new Super Phonesitter! The Super Phonesitter will come to your rescue, and save you from these inconsiderate blatherskites.

When you install the Super Phonesitter on any phone in your home, you can take calls from any friend or relative without worrying about that most precious resource: TIME. When they get to talkin’, you can get to walkin’, by just switching your phone to Auto.

The Super Phonesitter records your very own voice whenever you say words like, “Mmmhmm,” “Uh-huh”, “Yep,” “Okay,” “I hear you,” “I understand,” “I know,” “Gotcha,” “Wow,” “Oh no,” and “Hmm.” After just one week of recording your voice during long phone conversations, the Super Phonesitter will be ready to rescue you from any caller infected with logorrhea.

A special algorithm in the Super Phonesitter’s computer will detect the voice patterns and tones from loquacious callers, and take over your listening job for you. It will interject your very own recorded voice, providing all the “Mmmhmm’s,” “Uh-huh’s,” “Yep’s,” and other idiolects peculiar to your own brand of boredom.

It will even detect the dreaded “feedback requester”. This is when your caller, suspecting you’ve fallen asleep, will ask you for feedback. So if your caller says something like, “What do YOU think?” the Super Phonesitter will reply with something like, “I agree with you.” And all in your very own voice!

You can even hand your phone off to your dog!
You can even hand your phone off to your dog!

You can even make money with your Super Phonesitter by becoming a telephone psychiatrist. That’s right, in the comfort of your very own home, your Super Phonesitter can earn your living for you! Just answer calls from the lonely loose-tongued, take down their credit card information, and then set your Super Phonesitter to Auto. After this you can watch your favorite TV show, cook lasagna, or even take a shower. Getting rich could never be easier, and it’s all made possible with the all-new Super Phonesitter!

But wait! Call and order the Super Phonesitter before Mother’s Day and we’ll add the Auto Phonesitter to your order, free of charge, plus $50 shipping and handling! That’s a $200 value for free!! Imagine using the Auto Phonesitter on your cell phone, in your driverless car. You can babysit your mother while commuting to work! It’s perfect! While she maunders away, you can be reading a book, working on crosswords, cleaning your ears, or whatever you like to do on your way to and from work.

Save yourself from all the garrulous mouths in this world who use up your precious time on the phone. Call us now, at 1-800-SHADDUP, and get the Super Phonesitter today!

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