Soap Sudstitute

(Adversetisement)

The FDA has banned antibacterial soap. They say it doesn’t do any better at cleaning your hands than plain soap, and in fact may do more harm than good.

My wife and I disagree. We’re sanitary people and have laved our hands with antibacterial soap for many years. But rather than whining and complaining about government overreach (“Take your stinking paws off me you damned dirty government!”), we have chosen to view this as an opportunity.

Okay, we whined and complained a little bit. In fact we both spent hours and hours in the bathroom washing and rewashing our hands, while crying into our antibacterial suds. “You’re just the best soap in the world, and we’re going to miss you!” we sniveled.

But then we bucked up. We walked it off. We put our heads together. And we decided to show the government a thing or two. We determined to develop an alternative to antibacterial soap.

Now we are very excited. Because after many months days weeks hours minutes of experimenting and planning and testing chemicals, we have invented a very sanitary system for expurgating germs from the hands. We hope to patent this system soon. And then we will become rich and famous! Thank you FDA, for making this opportunity possible!

The product isn’t out yet, and we don’t want anyone stealing our idea. But we thought we’d offer you a sneak preview. We’re sure you’re going to be just as excited as us, and will go around telling everyone about it. Who knows, you may even submit a pre-order.

So take a peek below, at Tippy Gnu’s New, Revolutionary, SOAP SUDSTITUTE System for Cleansing Hands:

Pre-Order now and receive a complete cleansing system, with instruction manual. (Dog not included).
Pre-order now and receive a complete cleansing system, with instruction manual. (Dog not included).

If our business is successful we may expand into a dish washing product line. And we could even venture into a substitute for toilet paper. Think of all the trees we can save!

Meanwhile, the video below indicates that antibacterial soap is still popular in Pakistan. Why can’t we be more like Pakistan?

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19 thoughts on “Soap Sudstitute

      1. Ahh, but the scratchy tongues would be a good replacement for those antibacterial soap with the deep cleaning bead things. 😆 Think of it. Have you ever seen a healthy cat who was filthy? It’s that deep-cleaning tongue that does it. 😆

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Paul

    i know that dog face – his brother is a real snake. Bwahaha! I know most of the crime families up here in Canada.Love the anti-bacterial commercial for kids. Air craft carriers are the most expensive vessel on Earth. Then maintenance and operating costs are huge. There are only a handful of countries that have them. My point is that no anti-bacterial could afford such a thing. I think the video is a sham – don’t believe it..

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Maybe cat for stubborn jobs–dishes with dried-on food, hands after working on the car or in the garden–and dog for softer jobs like faces and TP substitute. Our dog loves “pre-cleaning” the butter dish. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. My father used to encourage us to let our dog lick our various wounds. He said that there is nothing so clean as a dog’s mouth. Given that today Duncan helped himself to some unsavory treats, I think I’ll just go with regular soap.

    Liked by 1 person

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